went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
