and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
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I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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