Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have aggressive nipples.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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