So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
