i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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