I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
