Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
