dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
