I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Randomize
