He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
