its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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