There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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