If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
