Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
