and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
