i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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