At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
