well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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