I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
