i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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