Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
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Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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