You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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