I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize