i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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