the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
