The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
