y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Buhtt sex?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
