i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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