you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
