Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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