Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this

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(917): View more from New York City

I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now

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(518): View more from New York

i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with

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(425): View more from Washington

I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.

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(207): View more from Maine

I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?

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(515): View more from Iowa

What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?

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