Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
