I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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