Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
