I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sext me about skeletons
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
