singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
