The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You're like the curious george of whores
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
