First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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