There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
