im gay
i know
yea but for you.
even my farts smell like vagina
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
