I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
