after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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