I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
