When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
