You're like the curious george of whores
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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