i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
