My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
