I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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