they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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