theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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