I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
