i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
