if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
