On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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