if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
