Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
