He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
