update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
