Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
