Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
from now on my penis is your penis
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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