The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
