i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
