Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
