Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
