somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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