i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
