my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
