I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
