is your mom at the bar?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
