I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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