it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
