The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
