if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
