TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
