Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
