So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
