Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
